Saturday, September 10, 2011
These are two of the things that I am trying to avoid, but I have to take courage and face.
The feelings of the emotions, of hurt and of loss.
Just like I feel hurt when I see people hugging one another because I can't hug or can't have the hug. Every time I see them enjoying each other's relationships, I have that same feeling of hurt and of loss because I can never forever be able to have that kind of relationship (mentoring, teacher-student, true friendship relationships). I have experienced these good things before, but it hasn't stayed for long, and that is all the memory I can treasure. When I think the feelings of hurt and loss are going away, it is when the good things are slowly fading away.
If only I can just avoid this reality. If only I can escape from the unpleasant things. I have to take courage and face. Whether I avoid or face, it still is going to be the same or my situation is still going to be the same. Though it hurts most all the time, all I can do is just trust in God and hope I can have the good things forever someday though seemingly impossible.
Feelings of hurt and loss of someone special (a teacher, most trusted friend, spiritual mother, counselor, life coach, mentor, confidant) is like cancer.
And I feel like in every friendship/relationship, I am a side dish.
- A loner