Sunday, January 16, 2011

Second week of 2011 - Love God with your everything

Second week of 2011. I was a bit enthusiastic last week, but this week, I was becoming distressed. At my second weekend of 2011, I did nothing. So yeah, my Saturday was a bum; I didn't clean my room. Until now, it still isn't clean.

Got angry at my parents for complaining indirectly about me and blaming that I was guilty when I walked away though I personally wasn't guilty. I only walked away to stop listening to them. And that concluded me thinking, "I'll show them! I'll prove them wrong. I will find a job." (I definitely was wrong here. I should be proving to God, not anyone.)

Throughout the week, I was thinking of my future and 2011. I wanted to do more in 2011, more than I did in 2010, which I really did nothing meaningful at all. I wanted to accomplish my plans: (1) really find a job, (2) grab my transcript, (3) go back to school to finally get a better job for me than nursing, (4) slowly complete my application for a foreign school, (5) SAVE MONEY, (6) keep a clean room (after my room's painted), (7) continue with my project, (8) read more than 5-10 books, and (9) consistently read the Bible. (These aren't new year's resolutions; they're lifetime resolutions which I hope to keep until accomplished.)

This week, I was in that near-meltdown-mood (though I still am today). But somehow, I had been holding it down though I wanted to release it but I'd be destructive or it's all weird and not normal.

And I got locked from my car yesterday. I left my key inside again. This time, I also left my bag inside. When these things happen, it's no surprise when I was angry or just lost in thoughts. These were also the times when I trusted God completely for my safety and everything else. Got me up and working just like when I got sick. I was also glad yesternight that the hospital allowed me to use their phone than the phone booth for I had none in my pocket (no coins), and was able to remember our new home phone number right. Thank God for my brother the rescuer.

Oh, and I also had my first photo shoot yesterday morning with my brother. I found my pictures beautiful. Led me to accept offers for photo shoot for 6 prom girls and a photo booth for Chinese new year (both in February). Next, I should be researching for the cost or pricing. This would be one of my tasks this week.

Praise God for Bible Studies too, but I also wish we get to learn more from the Bible than just always sharing about ourselves longer than learning the Bible. And I am not liking the kind-of-nonsense cliches or I just don't get their jokes.

Anyway, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, strength." (Luke 10:27a)

I hope to practice loving God this week with (10) building a habit to organize my tasks for the day each day, each week, and (11) heartily accomplishing my tasks: first by waking up at 8AM and sleeping at 10PM (exluding today, I'm still writing my journal for 2nd week, GULP!).

God, please help me live rightfully to you. Thank you for loving me when nobody does, giving your time with me, listening to every word I say even my complaints, watching over me, and constantly reminding me how to live for you.

In Jerusalem I pray, (OOPS! Hehe. This actually happened when I prayed to God today.) In Jesus' name, so forever pure and holy name, AMEN.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

My First Week of 2011 - Do Hard Things/Seek God First

Okay, I may have had another unpleasant Christmas but year 2010 ended better than the past years. Even though I got sick during the last days, I was more enthusiastic and optimistic. Almost always am I optimistic when I get sick and I don't know why neither do I want to know why. Furthermore, I think I celebrated CHRISTmas later. This week, I have been listening to Christmas songs and thought, "everyday should be CHRISTmas". Yeah, Christmas to me is peace and goodwill to men, but it's not always peace. Now I'm thinking, my relationship with God is more important than good tidings.

Right in the middle of my "devotion" tonight, I thought to start journaling my 2011. Journaling a year? I think this impulsive action is being motivated by another impulsive action, my One-Year-PhotoChallenge. But hey, it's better to do something or do A LOT than do nothing.

Ten things I have in mind upon the start of 2011 or this first week, chronologically (this is not some kind of new year's resolution, I don't do resolutions, never done it before either):
  1. 365 Days PhotoChallenge
  2. 1st week of January - hunt nurses for my draft
  3. 2nd week of January - make my final draft and hunt nurses to sign
  4. Clean my room and pack to transfer to another room (hope to do tomorrow, Saturday)
  5. Read the 30-Day New Believers Studies section of my devotional Bible (NCV) edited by Max Lucado (it has become my "devotion")
  6. "Seek first the kingdom of God" Matt.6:33
  7. Go out often
  8. Time is precious
  9. One at a time
  10. Journal 2011 weekly
So far, I'm doing well with my PhotoChallenge but having some slight dilemma regarding the use of dSLR (considering its shutter life). I was able to obtain the nurses' names and license numbers except I forgot their titles/degrees. It was very disappointing and I was overwhelmed because I had to go back again, but I'd go back to the hospitals next week on Monday.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God" has not left my head since Monday. The past few months, I was unhappy and maybe the seasonal depression thing; however this week, I think it's all about joy and I know it came from God alone, not from me, not from anyone, neither from me seeking to be happy. And speaking of happy, I qoute from Max Lucado's NCV, "But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God's perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God's teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy." (James 1:25, qouted in Day 4 of 30-Day New Believer Studies section)

Every time I feel like doing nothing, "seek ye first the kingdom of God" comes to mind. Also, I have made this verse as my screen wallpaper of my computer, and every time I open my computer or even touch it in the morning after waking up, I remember the verse which then lead me to remember those 8 things I mentioned above (excluding 9 and 10 which came just tonight).

Go out often. I really have to do this. *sigh* I heard another complaint at home about money matters today. Ugh! I really hate talking/hearing/discussing about it. I should use my money for every expense I spend they say. Could it be easier to tolerate their complains if I were working and having a house of my own? And if only the environment is safer (from pollution) like before. But now, everywhere is dust and heat. Hurts my respiratory track and my head-skin-eyes respectively (poor immune system and very sensitive). And the noise hurts my ears too. They're so confusing. They encourage to keep safe from such bodily abuse but complain to be exposed. Blah blah blah. Only an hour later did I forget about this bad thing, these complains (well, it's not just that, there are a lot). When they complain, there is blame coated underneath. Also, could this forgetting be a good thing without resolution? (Oh, and I physically hurt myself again after taking their complains.) These happened right before I was at the last chapter of my day (meaning "time to go to my room and ready for my night").

I just want to end this week well.

Made another video. Even though I really wanted to stop accepting services, I could not say No to this one because they are from church and their tone of voice (when they told me) was an assurance that I will take their request. Money matters AGAIN! Never mind. I just hope I won't be facing any more money talks (but at home, this could be impossible.)

I still have tomorrow to face and end this week. I just pray and devote myself to "seek God first" and yeah, one at a time. Oh, and this could be the 11th but faint thing: Read books. Faint because I still leave out this one. I have Do Hard Things to read and I don't even remember when I started reading it. However, this book is a good read, not just good but GREAT. And maybe this is the zeroth |zeer-ohth| (0th) thing: Do Hard Things. The title of the book has been imprinted (hopefully forever) in my head. I'm inspired with awe and influenced by it. I also have to start reading lots of books to keep my brain working and functional and productive. My brain tells me that reading books stop me from being complacent like I was complacent over my studies before I became a bookworm, and I don't want to go back to that complacency.

Today, Friday, I was making my assignment for Bible Study. I learned the life of Augustine of Hippo, Francis of Assisi, Martin Luther, John Wesley, and Mother Theresa. The verses that changed their lives have some influence in me too. Read their lives in Wikipedia. I was also ready for Bible Study; however, it was canceled because many could not make it. So sad. Very sad. When I went home, I thought I would just read my Day 6 of 30-Day Studies which I hadn't read today until tonight. And what if I'd forget what I studied? Oh well, might as well read about them again. I like Martin Luther's story or maybe it's John Wesley. Now I forgot.

Still, even though every thing in this world is limited, God is never limited. However, I still don't like the thought of the reality of this world. I just want God to be my reality.

Even though there had been few times of bad times, I just think of "seeking God first" then somehow, I feel free deep inside. May not be happy but content.

Dear God, I thank you for this week. Keep and continue me to be motivated and up-and-working. Continue filling me with Your Words and Your Holy Spirit. Also please help me to finally clean my room completely. In Jesus' Name, Amen

P.s. I just got sick recently.