The untitled music, hoping to be turned into a song, moves me. (Taken from my Multiply, dated Apr 26, '08, original title: I feel an inspiration..)

I stood facing my keyboard. Paused. I thought of God's love and my love to him. I thought of making a song out of it. I started playing RE-MI-FA# with Bm, RE-MI-FA# with A, RE-MI-FA# with G, then another RE-MI-FA# with D. Then the song flowed through my fingers as I improvised/played with those first notes. Thus the song just came. Unlike before, I usually had words in mind then the melody, but this time was new, melody then song. I recorded the song in the keyboard as I played it again. Then I listened to my work. I started to feel an inspiration like I didn't make the song and wished that could play it. However, the only thing there was, I did play the song, even made it.

The song was not only the work of my fingers, but that an awesome power led me to play the song. I started the lyrics with these words, "Do you love me...." There, but only up to that. The "me" there could be God or us. Problem, now, was the lyrics. I had nothing in mind yet, but only the idea: "Will you love my [God's] creation if you were blind? Sing praises to me if you were mute? Listen to me if you were deaf? Walk with me if you were lame? Do you truly love me? I answered all your prayers because I love you."

Whenever I listen to the melody over and over again, I thank God for always being with me and giving me a gift where I could share with him and tell the world of his love. Also, the more I listen to it, the more I can't wait to make the lyrics and sing and record it and hoping, I could share it with my friends.

[Improvise is like composing, except that you sit down with an instrument and begin playing anything like you have a song in mind, but the song still have not existed.]

Dislikes and frustrations (Original journal from my Multiply, dated Apr 20, '08)

One nursing duty week, I can't stop myself from telling everyone that the week (not only that week, but the rest of my nursing student life) would really be a struggle for me. I am always losing my patience everytime I have my duty. As I come home after duty, frustrations always come after. Everyone (mostly at home) would always taste my rage. I get frustrated because I dislike nursing and, of course, I am tired from the day's work. I ask everyone to pray with me that I would be able to live or survive nursing for my last 12 months and no more. And that my patients would be just 1/day, and that the patient would be almost quite fine already or not at all morbid.

God knows I dislike nursing, and I know He wants me to finish it.

Nursing and other things would almost always be the root of my anger, frustrations, rage. However, these are hard to escape for they can never be left behind. I know rage is a weakness and I should never let this weakness forever dwell in me, but how? How could I ever try to control myself, when I, me of so little patience, always loses patience. God help me.