Sunday, March 01, 2009

Self Injury - Freedom

#1: I don't cut but I punch walls, hit myself on walls so hard I don't care if it hurts because it doesn't. It's a comfort to me but people don't get it.. I feel alive when I do & I do it when I get so angry, it's a way to express myself.. I don't know how to express in words or even talking to people..

#2: So do I, I don't cut but I literally beat myself up just to feel something. But I am slowly getting away from that. If you ever wanna talk just let me know.  

#1: (a reply 3 months later) I think these happens because we yearn for touch. I long for a warm loving touch but I tend to repel from touch, even from friends, because I relate it to pain even though I know they're intentions were to show they care. But I do want to be touched, even a hug but I can't or don't know how to hug. Whenever I see my friends hugging each other, I look away because I feel deprived of that act of love and feeling hurt deep inside.

Now, whenever I feel angry and the tension is building up I learn to back away and find my inner self and connect my self to God. Still is hard at times but it's a learning. Yet, longing to be with friends, to be touched, have quality time, be given with countless encouraging words, is a struggle.

However, I may be deprived of love but no other love is greater than the Love of God.