In the dictionary, the word clingy means, "apt to cling; adhesive". Special means, "unique or specific to a person or thing; surpassing what is common, usual or expected; adapted to or reserved for a particular purpose".
However, sometimes the dictionary doesn't tell us exactly what these words mean, exactly what we want to hear. Knowledge doesn't tell us accurately but wisdom could explain it well for us. I lack wisdom. I may have acquired tons of knowledge from this world but haven't learned a lot about this world I'm living.
Clingy. Why do I have a clingy behavior? What is a clingy behavior? What is clingy? People hate clingy people. Why? Because they feel smothered by this kind of persons, just as the books/articles/journal say: "Being clingy comes off as being needy and is a real turn off." "This comes off as clingy behavior because you "need" their acceptance and approval before making a move."? What makes me clingy? What have I done to have lost my significant other/s? Am I really doing that beyond the need for acceptance and approval? Well, what would they expect from someone like me who trusted her significant other/s? I don't understand.
Special. What makes me so special? My significant other/s keep on saying that. "[I] can't be like everybody else because [I'm] different, [I'm] special." "[I'm] a special girl". But they don't treat me like I'm special. I'm treated less than special, even less than normal. I just recently have felt like I'm a scum to the universe. I don't belong here. I'm not welcome. So what is special? What do they mean about special?
So I'm Borderline. So what? I have inabilities to regulate my emotions. I make poor decisions and poor judgments. Have inconsistent moods. Also have poor or negative sense of self. Fear of abandonment. Not to mention, frantic and unstable relationships. So I'm also Schizoid. I fear to be misunderstood. I avoid people. I have an inability or a lack for trust. I have autistic or aspergers qualities. I fantasize. I am well-off working alone.
I avoid people because I am scared of them. I am scared to hurt others and be hurt myself. I am scared to trust because people betray. They hurt. They don't understand me. Some think they understand me but not enough to let me be myself. This is why I am afraid of attachments. I detach when I feel when I've gone enough attachments already and feel like I need my space back. That is me 2 years ago. But what has happened in that two years? I have thought I can have hope. I can change. I can be attached without being afraid. But I am clingy. I am cursed to be pushed away. Cursed to be left alone. Cursed to always be that loner, that introvert. Though, I have learned to be extrovertish, but I am still that introvert inside. It's in my system, being extrovert is not.
(plus, +) the doctor and your other "helps"