The Truth has set me free (My testimony on salvation and baptism)

I had been doubting my salvation for I had not experience a tremendous change like those who shared a very wonderful testimony. They said, after they received Jesus into their life and had given their life in exchange for Jesus, their lives changed: They no longer did the bad things they had done before they had accepted Christ's salvation. They also had a "salvation birthday". As for me, I could never remember when I accepted Christ, but I did know that I was growing in Christ. I asked for Jesus when I was 10 years old, but really could not remember a change in me. When I was 15, I allowed God to take over me and that I would no longer "go against" Him or hate Him. I repented that I had hated God then for 4 months, acting like I was an athiest, hating God, wishing to kill anyone, hating everyone I know. God opened my eyes that what I had been doing was wrong by striking me with a sickness (super overfatigue) after I played songs that were supposed to praise Him, but I took that opportunity (piano-part) as a way of showing my self to everyone that I was a good pianist. And I was with so much pride, so He struck me sick. When I was 17 years old, during camping, I willingly committed my life for God's mission for me. By then, I became active in church with full willingness to serve God.

I was so in fury for God; but when pains, troubles, doubts came, I felt unright before God. I was even convinced that I was not saved for I had not experienced a tremendous change and could not even remember much of the experience except the ones mentioned above.

However, I thought that if ever I was not God's own, how could I ever have thanked God before and many times that I was His own, that he saved me, that I was His child, and for the experiences that I had with Him? And when I tried to break the promise that I made before that I would never again "turn away" from God or hating God that I was in this pain, I thought if I would turn from God, I would also have turned away from the Truth, the knowledge that God had vested on me. And if I turn away from the Truth and turn to the Lie, then my life would utterly be meaningless, without direction. Everything that I had known would be useless. What if God was really real? Then I would have made a fool of myself. And what of my experiences? I experienced God a lot of times. What if they were only emotions? Would I believe in God just because I felt good when I was with Him and learning a lot from Him? Therefore, I was assured that my salvation is true and sealed that I was God's own and will always be.

Another doubt that came to me was my baptism. Many times I felt so awkward answering people that I was baptized whenever they asked me. Also, many times I was assured I was baptized. However, the doubt came to me again when I was again asked if I was baptized. This really troubled me a lot.

I grew up in a family who attends a church, which had the sacrament of baptism and confirmation, but this church was not a catholic church though they did practice those sacraments. For so long I thought I was baptized, also thinking that my confirmation was also baptism with water (sprinkling). Therefore, I really thought that I was baptized and even took part in the bread and wine with fellow baptized Christians. However, because I often felt awkard about my baptism, doubted about it, and also thought about those who also experienced baby baptism and confirmation had baptized again in the Truth and the knowledge of the Truth, I sought for the truth of my past: I found a copy about the practices of my family's old church and read it. I also found out that the church had similarities with the catholic church based on my teaching in my college because that school was jesuit. Because I then doubted whether there was sprinkling happened, I asked my parents how did my confirmation go. Was there sprinkling of water involved? The answer was no. There was no sprinkling involved, but just laying of hands. So, there it was, my memory deceived me.

If I would just keep this newfound truth of my past and besides many people had already thought that I was baptized, then I would also be deceiving them. I was already deceived by my past, will I deceive God's people also when God had already shown me the truth? God showed me the truth then why could I not show His people also?

I felt bad. I had granted shame on myself already: telling people I was baptized, taking part with bread and wine, serving in the ministry acting like I was already baptized. Even though this mistake would be a big turn-off on my part, I should accept it and share the truth. Even when I was only a victim of my past, still I made the mistake.

I thank God he showed me the truth. I may feel bad, still I thank Him for showing me so I would also not commit more mistakes.

Thank you, God for your awesome power and love in me.