Being alone gives space to grow????

Hah!
I've been alone for soooooooo long. I still have not grown.

I am 20, but still feels like 15 who wishes to be 6.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh---I don't know anymore....


I don't know.


i dnt kno


i dunno






know no more......







I don't want to grow up. Grow old? Fine with me. But grow up? Change is hard. Change is painful.

People say i've changed. But the more I've known I've changed, people are now the ones drifting far from me when I was the one drifting from them before when people were trying to get through me.

So what is it with change? how should I change for the better that the scale should be balanced and never outweigh or underweigh anything?


Am I getting "loud" enough already? What's wrong with my change? Am I too much in showing myself to everyone who I really am? I don't want to keep to myself who I am for if I do, I rather not exist.
But when I start and keep showing myself, people drift away from me. WHAT IS IT WITH ME THAT PEOPLE SHOUD BECOME SO INDIFFERNT AFOUND ME?


Or am I just imagining myself that people are doing the things that I think they're doing? I don't know because it's really just what I feel when I am with them.

See! I really rather have no mind, so I would stop thinking and feeling.

If not, amnesia. so i would forget the people i've known and forget the past and everything the past brings.


I am an escapist....
I escape because I don't want to hurt nor be hurt, times are painful. Also, I escape to lessen the troubles and mishaps.



>What can God do to me, but teach me a lesson. Make me whole.
But I don't feel whole myself, I fell I am really breking to pieces.
>But God first break me so he can remake me.
Why should these be painful?
>So he can comfort me.
Where is God? Because I could not take these things anymore like nursing.
I mean, why nursing?
I am not a "chatty person" like those nursing people. I am not a "people person". I only do my "duties" for performance's sake. I mean, I really don't want to do I've been doing in nursing. Such stress. Destroys my health a lot. Pains my life, additionally. Way different from my personality.


AHHHHH! I'm just being overwhelmed with a lot situatioons in different areas in my life and I don't know to deal with them nor can I really cope with them for a very long time. How long should I face them?
>As long as I learn my lesson..................






......



too much!!!


too much is never enough?




....


@#&%!!!


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