I am told to have "gay tendencies" because I had a dream (from sleeping) 3 years ago that my counselor was wearing shorts (when in fact, she, who actually was wearing shorts, was the last person I saw before I slept that day).
The dream was: I was playing/practicing the piano. Achi (the counselor) was sitting beside and watching (wearing her short shorts). After I practiced, I sat on her lap.
That day was overwhelming to me. It was the time I was told I might have depression.
The actual events of that day were: 1) After school, I went for piano lessons. 2) After piano lessons, Achi (wearing her shorts) wanted to meet me and tell me about the depression and that we should meet a professional. 3) It was bad news to me, and I had a meltdown. When I got home, I punched and punched so much until I got tired and fell asleep without eating lunch. 4) It was then I dreamt that dream.
All those years, I thought it was just my need for attention, acceptance, and nurture.
I am accused to have "gay tendencies". Told to meditate on Eph. 4:17-5:20.
WHAT SIN DO I HAVE THAT I CAN'T IDENTIFY? I am not who Achi (and even those who think I may be) think I am or have.
So my needs or neediness is a sin?
I am banished like a leper or someone with AIDS.
I AM NOT GAY. I DON'T HAVE SEXUAL ATTRACTION TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. I DON'T HAVE HOMO TENDENCIES.
One of my worst fears is to be left behind by everybody.
The person I trust a lot is, most of the time, the person I get hurt from or be accused and told that I don't trust her.
I do want to change, but I also want people to change around me.
I don't want to visit the professional counselor, Achi referred/passed me to, in just an hour in a day/week. I want answers immediately. And I want now. I want Achi to stop thinking I may be homo.
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