My Failings

I still have not let go of a part of her. I have not let go of the person I once have known her. The person who once believed in me. The person who cared for me.

However, I have lost her. Somehow, deep inside, she is now a different person.

Because I cannot be the person who she wishes me to be, she let go. She has given up.
I don't think my jealousy is the main reason for her to let go, other than that she has labeled me to be with homo tendencies.

Yes, that hurts a lot.

She left because she can't understand me and is fed up already. She has lost her patience on me. I could not live up to her standards/conditions because I'm "stubborn", synonymously strong-willed. Her love is conditional, and I have fallen short of her love.

And so I thought that she could help me live up to my full potential because I saw someone whom I thought believed in me. For the first time, I thought that finally, there's someone who believes in me and can see passed through what is visible of me, through a facade.

I am even unable to hug her to say thank you to her because she weird out of me. She can't touch me like I am some leper, banished from all cares and hopes to finding my true identity. The identity of finding and reaching my full potential.

People has said I have great potential or very blessed but they are all just up to their mouths. They are all just mere words to me.

Every time I share my wishes, some are fulfilled yet some, esp those most important ones, has not been fulfilled and like it's just placed in a box thought to be forgotten. But I don't forget. Wishes that I so much wanted is never given to me.

A friend. A best friend. A true friend. Long term relationships never last long with me. Rejection, abandonment, dismissed, given up: these end the relationship.

Improving my skills and abilities. Improving what I know already never heightens for long.

Be taught of the Bible. Told I'm too old to be taught like a child. I know a lot already so I don't to be taught anymore.

If only I could just be my own best friend. If only I can help myself improve without the encouragement, feedback and evaluation of a human being.

Yet I thank God, I don't give up the promise to be taught of the Bible because I know, "a person is never too young or too old to be taught of God's Word."

I am going to carry God's promises. I may have fallen from perfection but I have not fallen from God's unconditional love. May God's love be my eternal strength and comfort, and my motivation to never give up. I still wish to find myself in this unloving and cruel world, and where I do stand out from the rest of these human beings.

I know I am different but I will not let discrimination stop me from being different. I may want to give up most times and stop pretending like I am okay in all these troubles. I will just give up to God. I am not okay but I am okay with God. God does not discriminate me. God does not leave me when he finds fault in me. God does not give me conditions on how to remain in his love. All he does is love me without question, without discrimination, without doubt.

Feelings of Hurt & Loss

These are two of the things that I am trying to avoid, but I have to take courage and face.
The feelings of the emotions, of hurt and of loss.

Just like I feel hurt when I see people hugging one another because I can't hug or can't have the hug. Every time I see them enjoying each other's relationships, I have that same feeling of hurt and of loss because I can never forever be able to have that kind of relationship (mentoring, teacher-student, true friendship relationships). I have experienced these good things before, but it hasn't stayed for long, and that is all the memory I can treasure. When I think the feelings of hurt and loss are going away, it is when the good things are slowly fading away.

If only I can just avoid this reality. If only I can escape from the unpleasant things. I have to take courage and face. Whether I avoid or face, it still is going to be the same or my situation is still going to be the same. Though it hurts most all the time, all I can do is just trust in God and hope I can have the good things forever someday though seemingly impossible.

Feelings of hurt and loss of someone special (a teacher, most trusted friend, spiritual mother, counselor, life coach, mentor, confidant) is like cancer.

And I feel like in every friendship/relationship, I am a side dish.

- A loner

Accept me as I am

Just because I'm not diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I still wish the same things as the diagnosed. This is not a way to make an excuse but a way that I want people to accept me as I am, Asperger or not.

Here is a blog from an Aspie (Asperger person) writing "Five Things We'd Like People to Know About Adults on the Spectrum". I have the same wishes as he is. These blogs, for example, and a Facebook group help me find the words I've been looking for in order to let people what really is that I need because I find it hard to find my words to describe my requests and what I am feeling. When I want to share about my request, I always end up being described as "clingy" because these are my words "treat me like 'the others' " or "can I be your baby?" when I mean "can you please help me and give some attention to my needs?" "Treat me like 'the others' " when I should have said "I may be different but look inside of me, I'm still a person. I'm the same as every one else. I have needs to. Underneath that facade which you see every day, I'm still a person with needs. Accept me as I am. Treat me like 'the others'. " Anyway, I said the words again; I'm still confused with my words of expression. Because of those words, I lose people; I just lost someone I trusted, my Big Sister/teacher/counselor/friend.

Anyway, read Five Things We'd Like People to Know About Adults on the Spectrum, to know what we (Aspies) have been requesting to the majority of people.

It Hurts...

It hurts everyday to know that what has been treasured is now gone.

It hurts to keep up with having my relationship with God when I don't have a relationship with His Family.

It hurts to know that God is my God but He can't be fully my God because God is a God of relationships.

It hurts that I am losing myself because of trying to hang on and move on.

It hurts that trusting pays a lot of risks and may end up a disaster.

It hurts to not fit-in in this shallow stereotyped world just because I am not accepted for who I am, even in God's Family.

It hurts to "belong" in a group and assumed that I fit-in though they do not know who I really am.

Vertical and Horizontal Relationship

(in relation to Reflections of a Faint Heart (2nd blog) - Racing with Ohana)
(my concern relayed to the author of Philippians 3:7-8 – Vertical To Horizontal Relationships)

What if I already have, I mean, I'm alright with God. But I still fail in my horizontal relationships. Yes, I've been told to work out my vertical relationship and my horizontal relationship will come after.

I was alright with God before my relationship with my spiritual mother turned sour. I never wanted my relationship with God be affected but it did waver, including my relationship with others.

And I thought, "can I ever have a good relationship with God when I don't have good relationships with people?" I mean God is a God of relationships. God is not my God if my relationship with His people is not there, or not cultivated.

I'm a loner, have been a loner. Frustrated with my social life because I lack it. Because I lack social life, I thought, I only want just God and me, and why do I have to trouble myself with God, others, and me? But spiritual life doesn't work that way.

Jesus said to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength (vertical), but Jesus emphasized and included, "and the second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Mt 22:35-39)

Jesus also said that before we offer our sacrifices to God, we should first be reconciled with our brothers (Mt 5:23,24).

It is also said that in 1 Jn 4:20,21, he who loves God must also love his brother.

I am in need right now. I have tried reconciling with my spiritual mother (she's also a pastor, she helped me transition in life). I stop joining prayer meetings and bible studies because it hurts when I see her. Though it hurts me more that I am isolated from God's family. Isolation is a disorder that could stunt spiritual and emotional growth. Though I've reached an adult age now, I'm still emotionally underdeveloped (or I'm emotionally that of a child).

Nonetheless, I write to you that your May 11 article may need more because it's kinda broad and I may want to know your thoughts on both the vertical and horizontal relationships. And for more than a month, I get convicted of this many times through my devotions and prayers with God.

When we have God, we are not only married to Him but also to His Family, right? And our spiritual relationship is that of a Cross (vertical and horizontal). Let me share an illustration: The vertical line is the foundation. Without the balance beam (horizontal line), how will the foundation stand tall for long? When calamities come (persecution, trials), it's byebye foundation if it's not strong enough.

Yes, God is our firm Foundation. And God knows we can't stand on our own because we are still imperfect. Relationship with others is two-way. But relationship with God is three-way. But we should never rely on others for our spiritual needs. And when we rely on God, our spiritual needs are met (that's where your May 11 article goes).

I have another illustration: Christ is my vessel (from the song "If Christ is my vessel I can smile at the storm..."), the Father is the wind, and His people is the sail. If I have no relationship with God's people, how can I set sail if there is no sail? If a storm comes, the sail is useless and it's packed inside the vessel. Still Christ is our protector.

In this storm I am in and because I have no control over my relationships with others and it really is hard for me to believe that I will ever have good relationships with people and have anything good (Rom8:28), I must still and pray for help from God to trust Him and lean not on my own understanding (Prov3:5).

I still waver with my thoughts esp with the vertical and horizontal relationships. I'm not sure whether the conviction comes from the Holy Spirit or just my own thoughts. I am not perfect.

But my main point is: I just want God and I don't want my relationship with people affect my relationship with God.

A Broken Spirit and A Contrite Heart

God IS close to the brokenhearted. Once we acknowledge His Love and Presence, calling to Him, trusting Him, and praising Him would not be too much of a struggle because His Holy Spirit will guide us as we offer ourselves to God.

Linked to: Dear God: I am sorry. I have sinned.

Don't have it? Can't have it?

Don't complain because you don't have this or that. Be thankful because you have what others would envy you for, and some would feel hurt or heartbroken because they can't have it even though they can grab it at their own reach but...really, can't have it.

Like a child who wants a lollipop but cannot have it because he has diabetes.

Like a teen who wants to go out with friends but has to stay in the hospital because of cancer.

Like an athlete who wants to run as fast as he can but became paralyzed.

Like an old lady who wishes for companionship but has grown old without family and friends.

Give what you have and what you can to those who need it more.

Personally, I yearn for unconditional friendship. A friendship where I can have time and attention and hugs. But, I am deprived of hugs, ever since I was still younger. I am thought to be "clingy" and overly dependent, and even thought to have "gay tendencies".

All I want is a hug but I am in trouble for it.

Every time I see people and friends hugging, I feel a nail piercing my heart. I just wish for them to stop hugging in my midst. I don't want to see them hugging while I can't have it.

Specially want a hug from someone who has taught me and cared for me (my mentor/counselor/teacher/Big Sister), but she can't give me because she has thought it best as "healthy distance".

I may have gotten hugs from random people, but it is different when it is someone close to you.

Today is a churchmate's birthday. She is a year younger than me. I worry that my Big Sister would hug her a Happy Birthday. That would really hurt me. When I had my brithday, she greeted me on YM only.

My envy and jealousy is unacceptable. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. It just comes to me.

Some times, I try to hug or give a hug. But because I don't have much practice and, maybe, experience with it, I am not comfortable.

Some times, I wish that there is no such thing as relationships or, better yet, hugs.

Nonetheless, I can only fantasize of hugs.

In my prayers, I could just say, "God, I can't hug you, I can't touch you nor can I feel you hugging and holding me against your bosom. I've been taught that you provide our needs but how can you hug me? But God, touch my heart. Touch my heart like you have touched me before, like the first time I came to know you. You are my Father. You are my Teacher. You are my Therapist. You are my Friend. Touch my heart and just fill me with Your Love and Comfort, Your Presence, and Your unfailing Majesty. You have revealed Yourself to me in many ways, and that I thank You."

After I wrote this journal entry, I saw this. Honestly, it is so hard to see or to fill in to others' shoes when you are one of them. Though hurting myself, I honestly try to give what I can to those who need it too. I am not perfect but God is perfect and we are told to be like Jesus Christ without exceptions. It is also my prayer that God would teach me, guide me, and lead me to become a person who is from Christ and of Christ and one who lives in Christ.

May weaknesses become strengths in all of us. Amen.

One of those days...May3'11

Running a race alone and struggling to catch up is hard. But praise God that He brings anyone to run with, making a very hard thing into an easy one.

Witholding an act of thankfulness is so hard and painful, especially when it is wanting to hug someone you're so thankful of, but knowing that I can't hug and afraid to ask to hug because the answer may be a No.

The heaviness of the pain and brokenness became small when the days aren't idle (but now I worry that I don't worry).

I DON'T HAVE HOMO TENDENCIES!

What have I done to deserve this? What sin have I caused to deserve this?

I am told to have "gay tendencies" because I had a dream (from sleeping) 3 years ago that my counselor was wearing shorts (when in fact, she, who actually was wearing shorts, was the last person I saw before I slept that day).

The dream was: I was playing/practicing the piano. Achi (the counselor) was sitting beside and watching (wearing her short shorts). After I practiced, I sat on her lap.

That day was overwhelming to me. It was the time I was told I might have depression.

The actual events of that day were: 1) After school, I went for piano lessons. 2) After piano lessons, Achi (wearing her shorts) wanted to meet me and tell me about the depression and that we should meet a professional. 3) It was bad news to me, and I had a meltdown. When I got home, I punched and punched so much until I got tired and fell asleep without eating lunch. 4) It was then I dreamt that dream.

All those years, I thought it was just my need for attention, acceptance, and nurture.

I am accused to have "gay tendencies". Told to meditate on Eph. 4:17-5:20.

WHAT SIN DO I HAVE THAT I CAN'T IDENTIFY? I am not who Achi (and even those who think I may be) think I am or have.

So my needs or neediness is a sin?

I am banished like a leper or someone with AIDS.

I AM NOT GAY. I DON'T HAVE SEXUAL ATTRACTION TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. I DON'T HAVE HOMO TENDENCIES.

One of my worst fears is to be left behind by everybody.

The person I trust a lot is, most of the time, the person I get hurt from or be accused and told that I don't trust her.

I do want to change, but I also want people to change around me.

I don't want to visit the professional counselor, Achi referred/passed me to, in just an hour in a day/week. I want answers immediately. And I want now. I want Achi to stop thinking I may be homo.

For Tina Tackitt (Y! Answers)

In response, I am the jealous spiritual daughter. I'm sorry for the lack of information.

I'm "the other" as mentioned: One gets more attention than THE OTHER. One spends more time than THE OTHER (once a week, and the other, once in barely two months). I included the info inside the parenthesis when I wrote my question, but I didn't notice it disappeared. I have borderline-schizoid personality disorders and suspected to have Aspergers.

The other girl that I got jealous of was a new Christian. I could understand that our spiritual mother spends once a week with her for two years now for discipleship.

I once spent once a week when I started counseling with her: once a week for 1 month, once in 2 weeks for 13 months, once a month for 8 months, then once in barely 2 months for 8 months (when I started getting jealous more). After the "once in 2 months", I spent time with her only twice. I'm with her for 3 years now.

I know jealouse is bad. I know God is more than enough already but I still get jealous.

The other girl is a year older than me but is still in college while I just graduated.

I feel jealous because I think that she is getting what I never or barely have. Also I think that people are treating her like younger than me. I'm told to GROW UP and ACT MY AGE. But it's hard to act my age because I'm emotionally young and immature. My peers are into boyfriends & girlfriends while I still get uncomfortable with the thought of it. My doctor also says I'm not ready for such relationship anyway. It's still yuck.

My doctor tried encouraging me that my spiritual mother is giving me the special attention but I don't see that from her. Before yeah. But now. It's like I lost her. So, seems like I'm withdrawing from her, worse, from almost everyone.

I was once identified with her by a few of our churchmates, but now, I'm no longer identified with her. Her "disciple" is more widely identified with her.

My spiritual mother is also like a big sister to me.

She told me to learn to share to other big sisters in church as well not just her. But when she said that, it seemed like she's closing me out from her. However, sharing to other big sisters about issues that I am only comfortable to share with her is hard AND I have trouble keeping relationships with people. I can only manage one relationship from another. So it's really confusing. Yeah, I do share to other big sisters but only superficial problems of mine, like finding work or what should I dress.

Also, I get jealous because they both have more sharings to say to one another. They can converse more while I have only few topics to share regardless of having a "big brain". And because I don't talk much and I'm boring.

Now, I'm hating myself again.

As for my biological mother, she's near to an absentee mother. I don't understand her. We don't connect. When we talk, we end up arguing (but I turn away before an argument starts). I try to connect with her without talking much but still is hard.

My jealousy feats started when I was still 5yo when my younger brother was born. So I could tell that this jealousy of mine is similar to the time when I was 5yo. I told my spiritual mother this though. She knows I'm jealous because I told her. That's when the "once in barely 2 months" came about. I also got jealous when a guy was courting her. Now they're boyfriend/girlfriend.

Oh, and she's only 10years older than me. She's a pastor in my church. She was my computer teacher 12 years ago. Sunday school teacher 11 years ago.

Many times I wish I'm leaving from this place just to leave every thing and every one behind. Just want to start life in another place. Find new people (though I am scared of people but there's no loss in trying). This place is depressing.

I hope this answers your question regarding lack of information.

Second week of 2011 - Love God with your everything

Second week of 2011. I was a bit enthusiastic last week, but this week, I was becoming distressed. At my second weekend of 2011, I did nothing. So yeah, my Saturday was a bum; I didn't clean my room. Until now, it still isn't clean.

Got angry at my parents for complaining indirectly about me and blaming that I was guilty when I walked away though I personally wasn't guilty. I only walked away to stop listening to them. And that concluded me thinking, "I'll show them! I'll prove them wrong. I will find a job." (I definitely was wrong here. I should be proving to God, not anyone.)

Throughout the week, I was thinking of my future and 2011. I wanted to do more in 2011, more than I did in 2010, which I really did nothing meaningful at all. I wanted to accomplish my plans: (1) really find a job, (2) grab my transcript, (3) go back to school to finally get a better job for me than nursing, (4) slowly complete my application for a foreign school, (5) SAVE MONEY, (6) keep a clean room (after my room's painted), (7) continue with my project, (8) read more than 5-10 books, and (9) consistently read the Bible. (These aren't new year's resolutions; they're lifetime resolutions which I hope to keep until accomplished.)

This week, I was in that near-meltdown-mood (though I still am today). But somehow, I had been holding it down though I wanted to release it but I'd be destructive or it's all weird and not normal.

And I got locked from my car yesterday. I left my key inside again. This time, I also left my bag inside. When these things happen, it's no surprise when I was angry or just lost in thoughts. These were also the times when I trusted God completely for my safety and everything else. Got me up and working just like when I got sick. I was also glad yesternight that the hospital allowed me to use their phone than the phone booth for I had none in my pocket (no coins), and was able to remember our new home phone number right. Thank God for my brother the rescuer.

Oh, and I also had my first photo shoot yesterday morning with my brother. I found my pictures beautiful. Led me to accept offers for photo shoot for 6 prom girls and a photo booth for Chinese new year (both in February). Next, I should be researching for the cost or pricing. This would be one of my tasks this week.

Praise God for Bible Studies too, but I also wish we get to learn more from the Bible than just always sharing about ourselves longer than learning the Bible. And I am not liking the kind-of-nonsense cliches or I just don't get their jokes.

Anyway, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, strength." (Luke 10:27a)

I hope to practice loving God this week with (10) building a habit to organize my tasks for the day each day, each week, and (11) heartily accomplishing my tasks: first by waking up at 8AM and sleeping at 10PM (exluding today, I'm still writing my journal for 2nd week, GULP!).

God, please help me live rightfully to you. Thank you for loving me when nobody does, giving your time with me, listening to every word I say even my complaints, watching over me, and constantly reminding me how to live for you.

In Jerusalem I pray, (OOPS! Hehe. This actually happened when I prayed to God today.) In Jesus' name, so forever pure and holy name, AMEN.

My First Week of 2011 - Do Hard Things/Seek God First

Okay, I may have had another unpleasant Christmas but year 2010 ended better than the past years. Even though I got sick during the last days, I was more enthusiastic and optimistic. Almost always am I optimistic when I get sick and I don't know why neither do I want to know why. Furthermore, I think I celebrated CHRISTmas later. This week, I have been listening to Christmas songs and thought, "everyday should be CHRISTmas". Yeah, Christmas to me is peace and goodwill to men, but it's not always peace. Now I'm thinking, my relationship with God is more important than good tidings.

Right in the middle of my "devotion" tonight, I thought to start journaling my 2011. Journaling a year? I think this impulsive action is being motivated by another impulsive action, my One-Year-PhotoChallenge. But hey, it's better to do something or do A LOT than do nothing.

Ten things I have in mind upon the start of 2011 or this first week, chronologically (this is not some kind of new year's resolution, I don't do resolutions, never done it before either):

1. 365 Days PhotoChallenge
2. 1st week of January - hunt nurses for my draft
3. 2nd week of January - make my final draft and hunt nurses to sign
4. Clean my room and pack to transfer to another room (hope to do tomorrow, Saturday)
5. Read the 30-Day New Believers Studies section of my devotional Bible (NCV) edited by Max Lucado (it has become my "devotion")
6. "Seek first the kingdom of God" Matt.6:33
7. Go out often
8. Time is precious
9. One at a time
10. Journal 2011 weekly

So far, I'm doing well with my PhotoChallenge but having some slight dilemma regarding the use of dSLR (considering its shutter life). I was able to obtain the nurses' names and license numbers except I forgot their titles/degrees. It was very disappointing and I was overwhelmed because I had to go back again, but I'd go back to the hospitals next week on Monday.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God" has not left my head since Monday. The past few months, I was unhappy and maybe the seasonal depression thing; however this week, I think it's all about joy and I know it came from God alone, not from me, not from anyone, neither from me seeking to be happy. And speaking of happy, I qoute from Max Lucado's NCV, "But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God's perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God's teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy." (James 1:25, qouted in Day 4 of 30-Day New Believer Studies section)

Every time I feel like doing nothing, "seek ye first the kingdom of God" comes to mind. Also, I have made this verse as my screen wallpaper of my computer, and every time I open my computer or even touch it in the morning after waking up, I remember the verse which then lead me to remember those 8 things I mentioned above (excluding 9 and 10 which came just tonight).

Go out often. I really have to do this. *sigh* I heard another complaint at home about money matters today. Ugh! I really hate talking/hearing/discussing about it. I should use my money for every expense I spend they say. Could it be easier to tolerate their complains if I were working and having a house of my own? And if only the environment is safer (from pollution) like before. But now, everywhere is dust and heat. Hurts my respiratory track and my head-skin-eyes respectively (poor immune system and very sensitive). And the noise hurts my ears too. They're so confusing. They encourage to keep safe from such bodily abuse but complain to be exposed. Blah blah blah. Only an hour later did I forget about this bad thing, these complains (well, it's not just that, there are a lot). When they complain, there is blame coated underneath. Also, could this forgetting be a good thing without resolution? (Oh, and I physically hurt myself again after taking their complains.) These happened right before I was at the last chapter of my day (meaning "time to go to my room and ready for my night").

I just want to end this week well.

Made another video. Even though I really wanted to stop accepting services, I could not say No to this one because they are from church and their tone of voice (when they told me) was an assurance that I will take their request. Money matters AGAIN! Never mind. I just hope I won't be facing any more money talks (but at home, this could be impossible.)

I still have tomorrow to face and end this week. I just pray and devote myself to "seek God first" and yeah, one at a time. Oh, and this could be the 11th but faint thing: Read books. Faint because I still leave out this one. I have Do Hard Things to read and I don't even remember when I started reading it. However, this book is a good read, not just good but GREAT. And maybe this is the zeroth |zeer-ohth| (0th) thing: Do Hard Things. The title of the book has been imprinted (hopefully forever) in my head. I'm inspired with awe and influenced by it. I also have to start reading lots of books to keep my brain working and functional and productive. My brain tells me that reading books stop me from being complacent like I was complacent over my studies before I became a bookworm, and I don't want to go back to that complacency.

Today, Friday, I was making my assignment for Bible Study. I learned the life of Augustine of Hippo, Francis of Assisi, Martin Luther, John Wesley, and Mother Theresa. The verses that changed their lives have some influence in me too. Read their lives in Wikipedia. I was also ready for Bible Study; however, it was canceled because many could not make it. So sad. Very sad. When I went home, I thought I would just read my Day 6 of 30-Day Studies which I hadn't read today until tonight. And what if I'd forget what I studied? Oh well, might as well read about them again. I like Martin Luther's story or maybe it's John Wesley. Now I forgot.

Still, even though every thing in this world is limited, God is never limited. However, I still don't like the thought of the reality of this world. I just want God to be my reality.

Even though there had been few times of bad times, I just think of "seeking God first" then somehow, I feel free deep inside. May not be happy but content.

Dear God, I thank you for this week. Keep and continue me to be motivated and up-and-working. Continue filling me with Your Words and Your Holy Spirit. Also please help me to finally clean my room completely. In Jesus' Name, Amen

P.s. I just got sick recently.

Crappy Christmases

Sorry for those happy Christmas mooders. I know it's the birth of Jesus Christ. And yeah, maybe I am in a seasonal depression stage. WHATEVER!!

This could be my nth crappy Christmas. Christmas is not about gifts and traditions. It should be peace and goodwill to men. If I see someone so happy to receive a gift in Christmas, I am against it. Or I am against HAPPY. Because happiness will just fade away, slow or sudden. I guess I am afraid to be happy. Oh, and btw, I have Christmases receiving no gifts so don't blame me for being crappy about it. And this year, I receive only one gift.

Peace and goodwill. I don't often get that on Christmas. Either bad time with family or (this year) I wronged someone and I'm priced as cheap for video making (that I should give them a cheaper cost). I KNOW I'M NOT ESTABLISHED BUT AT LEAST I'M ABOUT 40% CHEAPER THAN THE PROFESSIONALS. Forty percent cheaper because IT'S STILL VIDEO EDITING AND I AM FINANCIALLY COMPENSATING MY DIGITAL EQUIPMENT COSTS. Yeah, and the program is CHEAP?! Duh! It's expensive. Even though I obtained it illegally, I hope to buy the registered one someday. (If "someday" will ever come, and I mean when I become a filmmaker.)

Welcome to my Christmas!!

I hate 2010. Money is one of the most parts that I'm having some issues on. What more could be the next years after 2010?

Mother label me as an ADD

...so I took an online quiz.

And here's the result:

You scored a total of 78

It is highly likely that you are presently suffering from adult attention deficit disorder, according to your responses on this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately. S C O R I N G K E Y If you scored... You may have... 70 & up 50 - 69 35 - 49 25 - 34 0 - 24 Adult ADHD Moderate ADHD Mild ADHD Borderline ADHD No ADHD likely This is not a diagnosis tool.

But I would still rather go for being an Aspergers than ADD. Because I don't believe being an ADD.

If a job interviewer is to ask: "Why should we accept you, what makes you different from the other applicants?"

My answer:

"Well, first of all, we are all different people, different genes, different DNAs. We all think differently. I may not have what the other applicants have. I don't know what they have. They don't have what I have either. I'm good at what I'm good at in my own ways. I don't know how good the others are, and maybe and honestly, they may be better than I. Now why should you accept me for this job? I want to learn. I want to experience. I want to be exposed. And I want to develop my skills. I want to do better than what I am already good at. And also because you need an extra hand which is why you're looking for applicants."

P.s. I'm an unemployed fresh nursing graduate who still is unable to get a hand of her transcript because of some lack of requirements. That would be the university's fault. They shouldn't have let me walk-the-aisle. And I'm desperate to start earning to be able to live a dream (and live apart from the family): do something that I like to do or am actually doing (computers, photography, videos). I also like to join YWAM's University of Kona in Hawaii. I'm trying to save some money but I have no allowances from my parents, I'm not working, and I'm also using my small savings from making videos for others to buy camera accesories. Too bad for me. I'm not sure what I am doing.

Aspergers and Difficult Friendships

http://www.aspieweb.net/aspergers-no-friends/

How To Deal With Loneliness?

How to Deal With Loneliness - WikiHow.com

People feel lonely for a number of reasons, such as not having enough friends, not knowing how to be close to the people they know, or not being accepted by those they try to be friends with.

Everyone experiences loneliness. Some humans are more socially accepted. Some who try to be social remain socially rejected, and some have difficulty even trying.

Steps

1. 1
   Realize that we all get lonely. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. We're particularly prone to loneliness when we're making transitions, especially for the better. If you're changing, such as exploring new alternatives and paths for yourself, you're bound to get a little lonely as you look for people who share your new interests and thoughts.
2. 2
   Call or get together with the people you know, even if they aren't who you want to be with right now. Human contact makes more contact easier. This includes your mother and the guy at the deli counter. Listen more than talk. Listening, and drawing people out will deepen your contacts more than just talking endlessly about yourself. Do not exhaust your existing connections; these are all you have at the moment.
3. 3
   Get involved in anything where you will meet people. If you are very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be online (obviously it's better if it's not). Look on places like Craig's List for activities in your area. Volunteering can help. But don't attend functions with the idea of making friends or meeting people. Being too demanding is a sign of loneliness. Try to go with no expectations whatsoever, and to enjoy yourself regardless of what happens.
4. 4
   Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships whenever you can. You ask the person if they want to chat, get a coffee, whatever. Remember how much you like it when people are attracted to you. Remember though, that you are trying to make a place for yourself in another person's life. Do not think that just showing up will win you instant friends. It can be a long, painstaking process, and most people you meet already have their own friends and lives. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you, if they ever do.
5. 5
   Take risks about revealing yourself. Say what's on your mind, if it seems at all likely the other person will be receptive. It can hurt when it backfires, but it's worth it a million times over if it works.
6. 6
   Remember that we are all alone inside our heads; we are born and die alone; it's nothing special. Every person who has ever lived has been lonely. Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it. Look at your loneliness with detachment.
7. 7
   Notice the difference between loneliness and solitude. Imagine this is the last day you will ever be alone. What would you do?
8. 8
   Join an online community. Sometimes it can help. If you're willing to help others as well as being helped yourself, check out the free Phone Buddies peer counseling community. Remember to be safe when online though not everyone is who they say they are and predators feed off of loneliness.
9. 9
   When feeling lonely, don't allow yourself to wallow in your loneliness. Do something, anything! Take a walk, ride your bike.
10. 10
    Do everything you would normally do with a partner or friend. Many times it isn't the partner or friend you are missing, but the activities and hobbies you shared. Take yourself out for a date. For example, if you would have gone out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Don't hold yourself back, though it may look sort of strange.

Tips

• Connect with anyone who you assess to be genuine, and who is around you. Following your instincts about people can be important here. Just because someone is around/near you, doesn't mean they are good (vs. bad)company. Sometimes being alone is better than being in bad company.
• Set up social activities when you're not feeling lonely. Anticipate.
• Read literature and go to museums/theater/dance. Art reaches inside.
• For those with religious beliefs, consider fellowship with those of your faith. Most churches should have some sort of regular fellowship, if your church doesn’t then consider starting one.
• Remember that reaching out to someone else lonelier than you could give you more happiness than you could imagine.
• Learn to meditate so that you have the experience of being loved and nurtured emotionally by other sources than human beings.
• Consider getting a pet! Animals can make marvelous companions; they give unconditional love, and can offer you loyal company. Walking a dog can also be a great way of meeting other people!
• Try not to get stuck into a rut with routines; routines allow you to go on auto-pilot, allowing you to day-dream about "what could be." Even worse, you're less likely to act on those day-dreams, because you'll be comfortable with your routines. Shake things up!
• Engage yourself in some activity that would keep your mind occupied.
• Remember that loneliness happens to everyone and that there is someone to talk to. Surround yourself with positive people.
• Create a positive mood and atmosphere. Realize that loneliness can be a right time to try out something new, relax or nurture your creativity.After all some of the great personalities spent a lot of time alone.
• "Fake it until you make it". Just do it & deal with the issues that come up. In your exploration you will find the solutions.
• Learn to be happy with yourself. When you like/love who you are it shows. People like to be around upbeat confident people.

Warnings

• Loneliness is a state where cults, gangs, and other groups which will negatively influence you will find you most vulnerable. Be careful and listen to what others have to say about any group you are thinking of joining.
• If you have a persistent feeling of loneliness, please seek medical help. It might be a sign of depression.
• Watch out! Becoming overly dependent on online communities as a social outlet may lead to addiction and more complications.
• Avoid trolls during all online conversations.
• When talking about yourself, avoid getting too personal. This might put people off, and invite mistreatment.
• Realize that one can be "lonely in a crowd". You may have friends, family, and acquaintances, but still feel lonely. For some people, it is difficult to connect with those around them. In this case, outside counseling may help.
• Don't allow yourself to wallow in self-pity. Find someone who needs your help: tutoring, babysitting, house painting, car washing, gardening, cleaning. After several hours of this, you will feel much better.

A wish to tell this to...

I don't have friends. I mean, I have friends. But the friend I mentioned before, I don't. You said there's no such friend. And I forget to refer or describe it as "a friend that sticks closer than a brother," sticks close than a sister. That friend, I don't have.

Most times, I think of you as one. I even want to be your friend as well but the only relationship I know that we have is a teacher-student. I don't know anything more than that.

You have told me to stop asking you, telling you, texting you, talking to you about my troubles. I actually have stopped telling you most. (Now, I doubt to even tell you this entry.) And I mostly make poor decisions. I always have a hard time finding alternatives. I only follow first thing that comes to mind. Last time, I didn't tell you I was so scared when I had my duty. I only told you I had a duty the next day. If I texted you about it, I already knew what you were going to tell me. But I have wished that you would someday tell me "Good luck".

You'd wish me luck. God bless. Take Care. I even imagined that my dog can say that before I leave to the place I'm scared of. The only responses I know a "friend" would say. Many times, I say those things to people. "Ingatz!"

I'm not a good friend. I guess, I'm just a good acquaintance. But I can be a great friend. I can be so loyal. I can keep promises unless there's a major conflict that I can't keep the promise.

But people will not always be there. I should learn to appreciate the friends I have now. And I think I don't know how to be appreciative. Dr. Go and someone told me, I should learn to appreciate. I don't quite remember you told me that, too.

And I have less exposure to the social world. No matter how much I try to mingle around, find people to be with, I still have more times by myself. And yeah, also being alone in the midst of a crowd.

God is the only best friend we all can have. But many times, I want Him to be one that I can hug, see, hear, and converse with. And I don't seem to connect all the dots about social life, from help to friendship. This is the connection that I was trying to connect when you told me about that I have to face my problems without running for help. I understand what you said but connecting, I cannot. I just don't know how to explain it, so I am not able to share it. What is friendship anyway and what is help?

My comment on "Shutdown: A Specific Type of Meltdown"

(this is my comment on Shutdown: A Specific Type of Meltdown. I'll just post it here because my comment says it's too large and I want to share everything.)

I am diagnosed as borderline-schizoid PD. I agree with BPD but not SPD. I still have questions about myself until found that SPD is like Aspergers. It took me months later to finally assess myself for aspergers after becoming so confused. And alas, all traits of aspergers answers questions about me. I opened this to my Doc but he said aspergers are retarded. At first I thought he meant autism but aspergers it was. Since I last saw my Doc, 3 months ago, I am waiting to be confirmed as aspergers.

I have shutdowns like "meep" (a commenter). When I'm overstimulated, I tend to shutdown most of the times. Before, I meltdown in my room. I'm self-destructive. I punch walls, hit my head and body against walls. After the rage, I shutdown, I get so exhausted too. I get sleepy then I fall asleep. Now, I am not allowed to self-destruct, so I mostly just shutdown though most times I want to repeat the punching, it makes me feel alive and I don't feel pain but only after all the rage. (I'm not taking meds either, I've been off for 2 years now, Doc says I don't need them, I only need to "change".) But I recently have been having more meltdowns out in the open (and I mean where I am not alone) and I kinda like it better. Cos when having my shutdowns or meltdowns alone without people around, no one is there to help me and I fail to tell or let my counselor know/see my misery. Cos if in the open, she can see me. Sadly, she rarely/barely sees or knows when I am having a shutdown. She only sees me with it if she pays attention or look after my every move and she'd make a remark, "You seem to be looking so frail."

When I have a meltdown, I just cover my ears or put my hands to my head and if more triggers come, I scream and if more then more, there's a possibility I could self-destruct. I guess, this is my stress cycle: stressed, (shutdown) reserved & quiet & isolation, (meltdown) hands to my head & shout/suppressed yelling & punch & hurting myself or if driving, reckless, and rarely hurt someone but mostly my brother, he's my #1 trigger, (shutdown) tired/exhausted & quiet & slow in speech and pace & sleepy & falling asleep. I may skip some but it still is a cycle.

I tend to have meltdowns when things are really too much already and I couldn't hang on any longer or suppressing isn't helping anymore and that solitude cannot wait or unavailable. Though after a meltdown, I shutdown even in front of people because I'm exhausted already. I get too quiet and slow mentally and physically like walking or picking up things. When I have my meltdowns, I like it when my counselor is there to the rescue after I calmed down a bit from a meltdown because only in meltdowns can I get a touch/hug/embrace from her. In regular days, I am only up to wishing she would embrace me even in "almost-shutting-down" times. Even feeling depressed times. And now I think I have some relationship distress issues with her because she seemed to now show disinterest on me. I think I have tire her. I think she doesn't like me anymore. I think she has other people needing more of her attention than mine even though my Doc tells me she's giving me special treatment/special sttention but I didn't believe my Doc because I seemed to be treated by her less than special, less than normal. Treated very exceptional and I mean that she doesn't treat me like the others like e.g. a hug. I am, I guess, the most problem person in our church of only 200 members.

Btw, she was my computer teacher 11 yrs ago, a Sunday school teacher, a bible study leader, one of the pastors in our church, and my counselor, a good friend.

I'm sorry about my last parts of my sharing. I'm just exhausted and still is since getting overstimulated and shutting down 5 days now. And it seems I really lost my counselor/best friend now after she told me that we stop meeting until 2 months later because she thinks I'm clingy after giving her bad remarks and frequently getting angry at her. And sometimes I think she may not be liking my emotions/meltdowns out in the open. The "2 months" was up a month ago. But I really think I lost her now. She doesn't understand me though she thinks she does. And I'll always be a loner. I guess I'm just too incompatible with relationships. From my first counselor 7 years ago who just suddenly "disappeared", taking away her commitment to help me because when she found me, she saw the loner in me, it was from her I first learned the word LONER.

This present counselor I have. She found me two years ago and I was depressed. Sick of school. Sick of the course I took, it wasn't my liking nor my decision because I was undecided. Sick of adjusting to a new house during my 3rd year in college, a very toxic year. Sick of inability to keep friends. Etcetera.

And now I can't wait to leave my hometown. So I will no longer see the people here. Still wishing to find people who understand me and can really help me and whom I can hug without me always asking for it and just receive a NO.

And I despise myself.

Or I don't know. Maybe I'm just mostly a shutdown type. I'm not quite sure of the difference of meltdown or shutdown. I don't like to hurt people. I also drive wrecklessly when a meltdown occurs while I'm driving.

I really don't like these shutdowns and meltdowns..

Asperger Syndrome - Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation - FamilyLife.com

Asperger Syndrome - Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation - FamilyLife.com

You don’t have to be an expert on AS in order to help someone with AS. A good place to start is understanding what the Bible teaches about every person.

By Michael R. Emlet

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

Max struggles to connect with others. He talks at people rather than with them. He has an obsessive interest in the weather and talks constantly about it.

Max is also socially awkward. He doesn’t look people in the eye when he speaks to them, and he seems unaware of the subtleties of verbal and nonverbal communication. When he gets anxious, it is not unusual for him to repeatedly tap his feet or hands. Those who know him view him as “odd” or as a “conceited geek” and, at best, tolerate him. He has no good friends.

Do you know someone like Max? Perhaps you recognize your child, your student, or your youth group member in the description of his struggles. A brief explanation cannot do justice to Max’s experience (or to others who struggle as he does), but if Max were evaluated medically he would possibly receive a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (AS).

How should you think about Max’s experience and diagnosis? And how can you help someone who has AS?

God, in the Bible, has many useful and hopeful things to say that will guide you as you relate to someone with AS. This article will approach Asperger Syndrome from the perspective of parents whose child has been diagnosed with AS, but these basic principles will help anyone who wants to understand AS from a biblical perspective.

What is Asperger Syndrome?

Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger first described the problem in 1944, but it was not until 1991 that the constellation of symptoms/experiences now known as Asperger Syndrome (or Asperger’s Disorder) became more widely known and accepted. In 1994 the American Psychiatric Association included the diagnosis in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Since then, as many as one in 250 children and adults may meet the diagnostic criteria.[1] The medical community places AS in the same family of problems such as autism, what the DSM calls “pervasive developmental disorders.”

Those with AS have a difficult time developing good relationships, particularly with peers, for several reasons:

• Nonverbal communication struggles—children with AS have trouble expressing and interpreting nonverbal forms of communication such as eye contact, facial expressions, body postures, and gestures. They may miss or misinterpret subtle nonverbal cues that signal anger, irritation, boredom, or amusement in others, often leading to misunderstanding and conflict in relationships.
• Verbal communication struggles—unlike autistic children, those with AS can express themselves verbally, but they struggle to use these abilities wisely in the midst of conversations. They are better at communicating information about things they know than entering into the give and take of normal conversation.
• Lack of social or emotional reciprocity—AS children struggle to understand and relate to the feelings of others. This does not mean that they have no feelings; but that they have difficulty entering into another person’s experiences, emotions, and thoughts.

Children with AS are also intensely preoccupied with their chosen interest(s) or activities. Max’s consuming interest in all things relating to the weather is an example. In addition,

AS children prefer sameness and routine, and because of this, struggle with any change in their schedule. Often children with AS use repetitive motor mannerisms such as finger or foot tapping or hand/arm flapping.

Other symptoms and behaviors seen with AS include the following:

• Sensory integration problems (an unusually intense reaction to certain sights, sounds, smells, tastes, or odors).
• Auditory processing problems (difficulty filtering out background noise).
• Motor clumsiness.
• Difficulty with multi-tasking or following directions.

What causes AS?

The short answer is, we don’t know. Most researchers link AS to faulty neurological (brain) development, but there are no definite brain-based or genetic markers that uniquely distinguish AS from other autistic disorders (or from normal). People with AS do have a consistently diminished capacity to understand the desires, ideas, and feelings of other people. They find it exceptionally challenging to “be in another person’s shoes.” So, what might seem like a simple case of selfish, willful disregard of another person’s feelings or desires may in fact be a brain-based weakness that makes it more difficult for the AS person to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4, ESV).

Approaching AS from a biblical worldview

You don’t have to be an “expert” on AS in order to help someone with AS. What the Bible teaches about every person will enable you to reach out wisely, compassionately, and truthfully to AS individuals. You and your AS child are alike in some very important ways.

• Image bearer: The Bible teaches that every person is an image bearer of the living God (Genesis 1:27). Each person is created to reflect the character and purposes of God in the context of our world (Genesis 1:28; Psalm 8:4-8). Knowing that Jesus came to renew the true image of God (Colossians 3:10; Ephesians 4:24), which was marred by the fall of mankind into sin, should encourage you that God can and will work in your AS child, just as He is working in your life.
• Worshipper: Bob Dylan was right when he sang, “You gotta’ serve somebody!” The apostle Paul says the same thing in Romans 1:18-25. To be an image bearer is to know that God created you and requires you to worship and submit to Him. The essential question in your life is, who (or what) will you serve—the Creator or created things like power, control, comfort, money, sex, etc? Helping someone means encouraging him to orient himself toward God, submit to God’s rule and purposes, just as you do in your own life. This “levels the playing field” between you and someone with AS.
• Body/Spirit: God has created us as both material (bodily) and immaterial (spiritual) selves (Genesis 2:7; Matthew 10:28; John 3:6). This means that helping someone will involve spiritual issues as well as physical (or brain-based) issues. This does not mean you need to be a “spiritual professional” (like a pastor) or a “body professional” (like a medical doctor) to reach your AS child. Simply noticing where your child struggles to submit to God’s will and purposes, and where your child’s brain-based weaknesses contribute to that struggle will help her.
• Unique gifting: God affirms every member of the body of Christ as having unique gifts and an important function within the body (1 Corinthians 12). Ask yourself: “How might this person’s strengths benefit the body of Christ?” This avoids the temptation of assuming “different” is necessarily “bad.”

Being aware of these basic similarities will help you to minister in a balanced and holistic way—having compassion and patience for the body/brain-based differences characteristic of AS and encouraging the AS person spiritually, to make choices that honor God and others.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

Helping your AS child means making biblically wise distinctions between spiritual/sin issues (the realm of the heart) and bodily or brain-based issues/differences and addressing each accordingly. What does this look like in practice?

ADDRESSING BRAIN-BASED WEAKNESSES

Remember that not everything socially “odd” is sinful! Your child does need specific help to improve his social awareness and interpersonal skills, but beware of jumping to conclusions about what is sin and what is not. What appears rude (standing too close, not making eye contact, being bluntly honest) may well be more about neurological differences than a failure to love others well. So you should respond with compassion, not rebuke.

Be attentive to the ways AS strugglers experience their world. Here are some sample descriptions from those with AS I have counseled:

• “I get overwhelmed in large groups.”
• “I don’t get jokes until later.”
• “I tend to see the parts, not the whole.”
• “I misread what people are thinking and feeling all the time.”
• “It’s hard to change gears in the moment.”

These comments don’t necessarily suggest sin in the person’s action or motive. Recognizing these brain-based tendencies will help you to relate more wisely, prompting you to ask more questions and to listen to honest struggles.

Identify potential environmental distractions. It is challenging for people with AS to respond to the many verbal and nonverbal cues in their environment. They may react strongly to touches, smells, sounds, tastes, and sights that wouldn’t upset the typical person. So it is wise to consider, as you relate to your child, “Is there something going on in her environment that is distracting her and making it hard for her to listen?” If so, remove or modify the distraction. If that is not possible move your child.

Break complex tasks into bite-sized pieces. This may keep a child who struggles with prioritizing and multitasking from becoming overwhelmed and angry.

Recognize developmental level. Typically, AS children lag about three years behind their peers in social and emotional development.[2] A nine-year-old with AS may speak like an older child, but think and act more like a six-year-old in other ways. This will affect the way you praise, instruct, and discipline him. The younger the developmental age, the simpler and more concrete you need to be in your communication.

Use clear communication. Give simple directions in short, uncomplicated sentences. Avoid metaphor, slang, and figures of speech. Don’t use vague responses like “perhaps” or “we’ll see.” It is better to say, “I don’t know the answer to that question right now. Ask me again tomorrow.”

Seek training in social skills. This can be informal, in the context of your own family, or more formal, in the context of groups specifically geared toward helping children with AS improve their relational skills. (Look for more information on this in the “Frequently Asked Question” section below.)

ADDRESSING SPIRITUAL LIFE

Remember the ultimate goal. The goal of parenting an AS child is the same as parenting a non-AS child: to shepherd his or her heart in relation to the living God. Focusing on spiritual life involves more than addressing sinful behavior! It also includes teaching, instruction, and encouragement (“Here’s how I saw Jesus at work in your life today.”).

Encourage them to value the input of others. One particular area for growth in AS children is learning to receive and value the feedback and input of others. Since AS children struggle to see life from any perspective except their own, this requires great patience. But if an AS struggler can learn to trust those who love him and receive their feedback, offered with consistency and grace, it can be a productive way of learning. “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future” (Proverbs 19:20).

Don’t ignore sinful behavior. A person with AS is still called to obey the first and second great commandments: Love God and love your neighbors (Luke 10:27). Don’t forget, the same sinful motivations we all have at certain times—envy, the desire for power or control, fear of failure, desire for success, demand for attention, love of comfort, and desire for pleasure (among others)—are going to be active in the heart of an AS child as well. Most likely they will be a part (sometimes a large part) of what underlies some problem behaviors.

You can deal with sinful behavior in a variety of ways appropriate for your AS child. Sometimes you need to take immediate action (e.g. removing a child in the midst of a tantrum to protect other children). But you should also discuss with your child later why the behavior was wrong and what might have motivated it. Then it is important to encourage your child to ask forgiveness from Jesus and others (1 John 1:9; Matthew 5:23-24).

Seek opportunities for service in the body of Christ. AS children and adults are important members of the body of Christ and they should be encouraged to participate in the various ministries of the church. This deliberate “outward face” counters the social inertia of AS that often leads to isolation. Educating ministry leaders about AS is an important aspect of promoting involvement of AS individuals in the life of the church. Not all ministries of the church will be an appropriate match, but seek places where your child’s creativity, intelligence, and passionate knowledge of favorite subjects can be of benefit to the body.

I hope that this overview of AS helps to explain the struggles that your child has, but also gives you a hopeful framework for ministry to him that is sensitive to both his brain-based developmental differences and his spiritual life before God and others.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

My 10-year-old child has AS. What are some ways I can help him when I see him doing something wrong?

1. Keep calm and be aware of your facial expressions and tone of voice as you speak with your child. Remember, AS children have difficulty reading both verbal and nonverbal communication. An angry scowl or a harsh tone of voice will only upset your child more.

2. Ask questions. Your son has particular reasons for his actions. Asking questions will help you to understand the deeper reasons for their actions—and you may find out that the motivation was not sinful at all (Proverbs 20:5). Of course, if your child is in the midst of a full-blown tantrum this will not be the time to ask questions, but to take calm, deliberate action (like picking him up and leaving the grocery store rather than attempting to reason with him).

3. Don’t overwhelm him with words. This is particularly true if he is in the middle of a tantrum. When things are calmer, find out why your child fell apart, ask simple questions that will uncover your child’s motivations, and then explain how to maintain control in straightforward, concise ways.

4. Don’t have the same expectations for obedience that you might have for a non-AS child. Be sensitive to what your son is capable of—otherwise you might exasperate him. Just as you parent a 12-year-old differently than a three-year-old, so you also have to tailor your parenting to your son’s abilities and level of maturity. He is called to love God and others, but the specific contours of that obedience will be different for him because of his abilities and developmental age.

Can you give me some specific ideas on how to help develop social skills in my eight-year-old child who has AS?

·Helping your child develop better social skills is very important, but remember how hard this is for her. Ask God to give you and her patience. Training an AS child in social skills will vary depending on the age of the child, but a lot of the basics will be the same, no matter what the age. Here are some practical, concrete things you can do that will help her:

1. Teach her simple rules of social engagement. Many of these things we take for granted. You may not remember having to formally learn them. But for an AS child who does not have the innate ability to relate socially it is important to be very proactive. What might some of these “rules” look like?

• When someone greets or talks with you, try to glance at their eyes as much as you can.
• Stand no closer than 36 inches away from someone when talking with them.
• When someone compliments you, respond with “thank you.”
• When approaching a group of children, here are some things you could say to help you join them: “Hi, what are you playing?” “That looks like fun. Can I join you?” etc.
• Discuss appropriate ways of greeting different people. For example, a kiss might be appropriate for an immediate family member, but a handshake would be appropriate for a stranger.

2. Learn to take turns in conversation. Practice the “back and forth” of normal conversation, which includes asking questions or making a comment based upon what a person has just said.

3. Recognize and rate emotions. For a younger child, simple pictures of a smiley face (happy), a sad face (sad), a scowling face (mad) can be used to identify emotional states within themselves and others. For older children, using pictures in magazines and books or play-acting different emotions in front of a mirror may help.

4. Use books and movies as launching points for discussing what characters might be thinking or feeling in a particular situation. This will help your daughter to recognize another person’s state of mind, something that does not come naturally to her.

5. Schedule social experiences that are brief and more structured. A parentally supervised one-on-one play time with a peer is likely to be a better experience than a group birthday party. As your child matures socially, she can work her way up to longer social interactions.

6. Use resources that are specifically designed to help develop social skills. Two examples are Carol Gray’s books, Comic Strip Conversations and The New Social Story Book.

7. Try enrolling your child in a social skills group. This is a more formal option, but it will put your child with other children who are struggling and they can work on learning social skills together.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Neither of these resources is written from a Christian perspective, but they are full of helpful, practical suggestions that discerning believers can adapt for their own use:

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome, by Tony Atwood. Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2007.

The O.A.S.I.S. Guide to Asperger Syndrome: Advice, Support, Insight, and Inspiration, by Patricia Romanowski Bache and Barbara L. Kirby. New York: Crown Publishers, 2001.

© Copyright 2010 by the Christian Counseling & Education Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

MICHAEL R. EMLET, M.Div., M.D., practiced as a family physician for 12 years before becoming a counselor and faculty member at CCEF. He is the author of many counseling articles, booklets, and books, including Asperger Syndrome and OCD: Freedom for the Obsessive Compulsive.

---

[1] Patricia Romanowski Bashe and Barbara L. Kirby, The O.A.S.I.S. Guide to Asperger Syndrome (New York: Crown Publishers, 2001), 12.

[2] Bashe and Kirby, 306.