A wish to tell this to...

I don't have friends. I mean, I have friends. But the friend I mentioned before, I don't. You said there's no such friend. And I forget to refer or describe it as "a friend that sticks closer than a brother," sticks close than a sister. That friend, I don't have.

Most times, I think of you as one. I even want to be your friend as well but the only relationship I know that we have is a teacher-student. I don't know anything more than that.

You have told me to stop asking you, telling you, texting you, talking to you about my troubles. I actually have stopped telling you most. (Now, I doubt to even tell you this entry.) And I mostly make poor decisions. I always have a hard time finding alternatives. I only follow first thing that comes to mind. Last time, I didn't tell you I was so scared when I had my duty. I only told you I had a duty the next day. If I texted you about it, I already knew what you were going to tell me. But I have wished that you would someday tell me "Good luck".

You'd wish me luck. God bless. Take Care. I even imagined that my dog can say that before I leave to the place I'm scared of. The only responses I know a "friend" would say. Many times, I say those things to people. "Ingatz!"

I'm not a good friend. I guess, I'm just a good acquaintance. But I can be a great friend. I can be so loyal. I can keep promises unless there's a major conflict that I can't keep the promise.

But people will not always be there. I should learn to appreciate the friends I have now. And I think I don't know how to be appreciative. Dr. Go and someone told me, I should learn to appreciate. I don't quite remember you told me that, too.

And I have less exposure to the social world. No matter how much I try to mingle around, find people to be with, I still have more times by myself. And yeah, also being alone in the midst of a crowd.

God is the only best friend we all can have. But many times, I want Him to be one that I can hug, see, hear, and converse with. And I don't seem to connect all the dots about social life, from help to friendship. This is the connection that I was trying to connect when you told me about that I have to face my problems without running for help. I understand what you said but connecting, I cannot. I just don't know how to explain it, so I am not able to share it. What is friendship anyway and what is help?