Dear God (Aug 6, 2009)

Dear God, there is not a day you forget me. Not a day you give up on me. Not a day you leave me. These mood swings are part my personality. When I'm up and high, may I be happy enjoying your blessings. When I'm down and low, may I remember your goodness, remember those days you made me feel your presence.

Dear God, I thank you for this smile of mine. The smile can be the worst lie I could make. People may see me so happy because of the smile but nobody can see the person crying deep inside, deep beneath that smile. I still thank you for the smile for even in worst times, I can smile. Others have a hard time to just smile, but a smile shows the meaning of my name and the treasure you set me. A smile can make things light. Yet a smile is all I can offer to this weary heart.

Dear God, there are just a lot of down times I don't understand. Downs I am not sure of. Downs I can't talk about. Downs I can't describe.

Dear God, I know, you know more than I do. And I thank you.

Dear God, the days don't stop, don't rewind, don't (thank goodness!) fast forward. But what more can I ask for, what more I can't wait for, but that day, the time I am ready and you take me home to be with you. It may seem weird to be asking for death but death to me is life.

Dear God, set before me your plans. Set before me your goals. Set me the person you will me be.

Dear God, I don't want to stop thinking of you even in times I feel like giving up and pessimistic. I don't want to be relying on others to fill my needs. Things are temporary out here and you know how fearful I am. Fearful of broken or faded relationships. Fearful of growing up. Fearful to live long. Fearful of almost everything. I still want you more than I want your people. Yet I thank you for the particular persons you have sent me through these years. Some painful, some vanished. Some grateful, some fulfilling. And some, I thank you so much that if only I could measure the universe and scale how much I thank you for that.

Dear God, if only these things last, but I know, there are new things in every new stages in life, and you have new in store for me. 21 or not. I'm just me....me engulfed by you.

Dear God, thank you for letting me have a relationship with you.